Poor Danger

My life has been turned upside down alot this October. I wish I could shut my eyes and just turn it off, maybe a short vacation from reality. Today we had to get a EEG done on Danger. He had two seizures in the last two weeks. Im not a patient person, so not being able to know if they learned anything from the test today is really stressing me out. Googling things doesnt help. It only makes it much worse, you want to know what else makes it worse, when something you say that doesnt seem important sparks something in the doctor (or technicians) eyes. Night Terrors. Danger has been starting them the last few months. His sister had them from 9 months to 3 years, and only every now and again now. He perked up as soon as I casually mentioned it. That didnt help, and google didnt help. Now im waiting. We have to go in for an MRI on Tuesday. Part of me really wants an answer because seeing my baby have a seizure is by far the worst thing I have ever seen in my life, but I also dont want the answer to be bad news. We have been so lucky with our 4 kids. They all have little things wrong but nothing Major. Nothing that would make you stop in the middle of the store and just start crying for. All I know if I feel like life is just running on and dragging me behind it. I suddenly feel like I have no control over anything. I know its more likely that it will turn out that nothing is wrong, but I cant stop remembering when EVERY SINGLE PERSON told me that our first pregnancy would be fine, because "those blood tests always come back false positive" EVERY SINGLE ONE was wrong. Then when Brother Bear wouldnt talk, He wasnt find like EVERY ONE said he had a speech disorder, which they just recently diagnosed as Aspergers. When EVERY ONE keeps saying sister is fine, when you look at her in toeing and crippling toes and KNOW shes not. I just feel like im the only one who doesnt get the "false positive" and the crappy thing is I know there are parents out there fighting for their children to live though and incurable disease and im all wacked out and I dont even know anything yet. Thank you blogger for letting me say this out loud, well in my head but my fingers are saying it because I feel like if I open my mouth im letting life keep moving and Im to scared to fallow it not knowing the answers. I think I need a drink :)

1 comment:

  1. I REALLY really hope everything works out. I'm sure you are completely stressed out. I wish I could buy you a drink! Wait, can you mail alcohol?


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