Let's talk suicide

If  you are fallowing along with my blog then you know that last December my family suffered a huge loss. My big brother took his own life. A moment that forever has changed my life. The wounds are still raw, I still pick up the phone to call him all the time. I think about things he is missing everyday. I can not imagen how life with ever be normal again. He did leave behind my nephew. A bubbly 5 year old who just started kindergarden. I know someday he will put the pieces together and realize the situation, I hope though with your support, by that time will have a much better understanding of suicide and prefentable things in place. To help make that happen there is a great program called AFSP.IN THE UNITED STATES, a person dies by suicide every 14.2 minutes, claiming more than 36,000 lives each year. It is estimated that an attempt is made every minute; with close to one million people attempting suicide annually. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the U.S., the third leading cause of death among those 15-24 years old, and individuals ages 65 and older account for 16 percent of all suicide deaths. This is a public health issue that does not discriminate by age, gender, ethnicity, or socio economic status. Im participating in a walk in October and if you are able would you please make a donation to our team. Even if it only lets one more person asnwer one more call that might save one more life I can tell you personally one person saved will cure tons of broken hearts for those of us that get left behind.
My personal goal is $150, our team goal is $1000  even if you can only donate $1 it will go to save the life of someone who is truely lost in one moment of weakness

Tea Parties and Aprons

Well today marks a very big day in our house. Brooklyn started Kindergartner!! Two down Two to go!! But before her first big day as a real schooler, she got to have a pretty awesome time with her besties at a tea party on Saturday. Her best friend Maddy hosted the party at her house and it was a huge it. The girls got to decorate cupcakes, drink tea, and of course rock the leotards as fashion (if you have a ballet/gymnast 5 year old you totally understand that!) As a hostess gift I made all the girls aprons, since the one I made Brooklyn for Christmas was something the Grinch himself would have made I was pleasantly pleased how these ones came out.

Cute fabric right?!! Did you know walmart has fabric? I don't know if all of them do and we hardly ever make our way out there but I saw this fabric Friday night and knew I had to make it into aprons for them. They match on the front and have different colors on the back. Brooklyn picked which girl got which color and then wrapped them. She had a hard time picking but ended up with the blue one. The neck strap was sewed in one side and then Velcros around the other side. The ties pulled back in the middle to bow in the back. I wish I would have thought to make a pocket on them, but since I stayed up till 3 making them they are happy with them and for now I will be too.... until I can get Brooklyn out of hers and sew one on while she is sleeping... mauhahahaha

happy birthday to my niece and nephews!

Part of our summer vacation took us for to my SIL for her kids birthday! Hard to believe they are already two, hand to believe Carson is already two! She threw a cute little ice cream sundae party with pools for the little kids to splash around in. The weather was amazing! My SIL is planning on home schooling (God grant her the patients and strength for that one!) so I jumped at the chance to make them something educational. For their birthday last year I made them a cloth book about colors and one about shapes. The down fall is there are three of them and sharing at that age.... well you all have kids and you can all relate! I really liked the idea of a busy book, partly because I never finished Coltons and partly because I always have so many ideas running though my brain that its hard to nail down one design for anything. I came up with a basic idea of an ABC book  but I really didn't want to make 3. So I came up with this :
The thought it that they can either read it like a book on mom and dads lap or they can lay it down open on the floor and all 3 of them can play at one time! The pages were a combination of fabric printing and and fun interactive thing. Here are a few of my favorite pages.

The connect the dots is fabulous! It makes a bone for the dog! (I imagen sometimes I will do a whole book like this!)
The rocket slides up and down and Im pretty sure Carson did this page a few dozen times before I wrapped it up.
This one the rain moved up and down like an abacus, but my favorite part is the traffic light because it is a pocket that holds a bunch of felt vehicles that drive around the S page.
Im hoping to make a few and put them on Etsy. We will see I always make things as gift but never seem to find the motivation to put them on Etsy. I think I have a hidden fear of failing. Here are the kids enjoying time with their cousins.

We had a really good time up there. Hope we dont have to wait another year to get the kids together... now how am I going to top this cool book for Christmas :)

Yeah summer is almost over!

I know I know where oh where did I go?! I feel like it has been summer forever and for that most every moment of my life has been spent watching kids! My kids, your kids, his kids, her kids. There hasn't been one day where it has just been my kids at my house. Im not complaining, I heart kids (let me clarify when they arnt being piles of mouse poop!) Then we did the vacation thing and that was tons of fun. We went and saw my SIL and her babies (wait for the gift post coming up!) and then up to Port Angelst for visit more family and there we did mounds of things and on the way back we stopped at Forks :) yup we took our twilight loving kiddos to Forks :) to bad the parent in laws rushed us through it but seeing Brooklyn's eyes huge and giddy the whole time I honestly cant complain to much, well on here at least if you are a friend who listen to me complain I love you and you love your forks swag so its worth it :) We went fishing and to Mt St helens to do the ape caves and lava tubes. If you are from the area you totally have to make a trip up there it was so worth it! We also enjoyed an awesome night of glow stick swimming with a movie on the side of the house and that was crazy fun, it should also be noted that we watched The Lorax about 20 billion times, so much the baby sings all the songs all the time. So with out further ado here is a glimpse at our summer!

Having Kids is like Having Parents Again

I enjoy night time because the kids and the husband are in bed, no one to nag me off a project 30 times an hour. I'm pretty behind on things lately so I was enjoying a late night soda, Green Day on Pandora and working on a huge busy book project I'm in the middle of and low and behold little mister needy baby get up at 130... so I walk him into our room and push him on the husband and sneak back down the hall. Pitter patter pitter patter down the hall he comes less then a minute later. I could tell my night of dance party for one was over (insert sad annoyed face here) So I snuggle into bed with him and he just as I shut my eyes he asks for water, I get up get him a cup come back and he is sound asleep side ways on my bed... I pushed him over, attempted to cover up with the only corner of blanket that was left, jump forward 10 miutes, 2 more kids get in bed I get no covers and the I get a pitbull whose spot was taken by said children laying on my pillow breathing his dog breath in my face... alas I need a vacation but then I started thinking. ....

 Having Kids is Like Having Parents Again

Parents: Tell you when to eat
Kids: as soon as you sit down to eat ask for something, again and again so basically tell you when to eat

Parents: Tell you what to eat.
 Kids: Will eat anything and everything off your plate as soon as you sit down, so basically telling you what you can eat.

Parents: Tell you what to wear.
Kids: So soon as you put on something you want to wear they wipe their face, snot, or dirty hands on you, telling you what to wear.

Parents: Tell you to go to bed.
Kids: As soon as your movie gets to the best part they wake up and 'tell' you to go to bed.

Parents: Tell you to clean your room.
Kids: As soon as they are in bed you realize no one picked up anything, basically telling you to clean your room.

Parents: Tell you not to eat junk food.
Kids: Stick their hands under the bathroom door whining cause they know you are eating the last pack of fruit snacks.

Parents: Always brag in.
Kids: Always brag in... and always at the wrong moment...

Parents: love you unconditionally
Kids: love you unconditionally

So this is what I think about when I'm in bed at 2 am with a snoring husband, 3 snoring kids, 2 snoring dogs, knowing I have to wake that 4th kid up at 6 for school..

How I became a rebel

Im not normally a rule breaker, as a matter o' fact im pretty much a rule maker :) rule and direction make life flow much smoother, however I do I have small issue with authority makes a bad judgment call. My recent cross over to the dark side was 5 year olds in ballet class. We have a end of year recital and the theme is princesses. My first issue was 4 of the 6 girls are Disney princesses. Cute right?! yes, but the other two are Barbie princesses... correct me if im wrong but Disney had a lot more then 4 princesses.... Brooklyn got cast as Belle, no complaints there she love love loves Belle, her most favorite princess ever. He dress is so cute! Its puffy and twirly and spectacular (although it doesn't need a red flower which we are working on)
So where does my rebel fever come in? Right here. Our best friend Maddy is a sweety pie, we baby sit her and take her to ballet with us. She was cast as little mermaid. Disney princess? Check. So why issues with little miss under the sea? Because they other girls, Disney and barbie princesses, are in short puffy twirly ballet princess costumes and miss Maddy gets this....

Not only is it not little mermaid colors, but its a floor length gown and they are doing a BALLET dance!!! And its tight to boot!! So poor Maddy trying to dance with the other girls in class and knowing she got the poop end of the stick kept a brave face until she got home. Who thinks to do that to a 5 year old? The costumes were bought from different places and one quick search on ETSY proved that a long mermaid costume wasn't the only one on the market. So rebel fever kicked and and me and Miss Maddy's mom agreed the dress would need to be changed. So we here it is...

Im so pleased on how it came out! now its short and twirly and poofy and no way mistakable little mermaid! Now lets sit back and hope the ballet teacher doesn't notice :)

In the Mail Monday

This weekend we went to a very awesome party for a pretty little 5 year old we know and at that super cool party there was a lady making balloon animals! She did an amazing job and my kids were completely thrilled. So for our mail on Monday we decided to send out pen pals balloon letters (I had to explain to my kids that I could not make a balloon animal and send it in the mail because 1 im not that talented and 2 there was a certain popping issue) So blew up some white balloons and wrote our letters on them and popped them into the mail!
(Please note we used a pump to blow the balloons up so the germ thing isnt a factor)

Im back and Coraline

So for the last few weeks it has been party after party and for some reason I have an aversion to posting all the projects that I make... I will work on that! Yesterday we went to the coolest Candy Land birthday party ever! (Isnt that an amazing theme) They had a balloon lady there who was incredible and she did neat face painting too! I didnt take a pictures of the Coraline Dress Up outfit I made miss Maddy but I will have here mom send me a picture. But I did make my first doll! I dont Do patterns, So I made if up as I went along. Minus the face painting (I think I might YouTube how to stitch faces)

I think she turned out pretty darn cute. Here is a picture of my first one I made. I totally think I might put them in my Etsy shop (Which I finally made a logo for) My goal this week is to get all my mounting piles of stuff on there.

AND look who finally decided to participate in swim lessons! Yup third times the charm!
He spent the first 15 minutes then I said "Colton, you get in there and try and we can go get the Captain America movie" He hopped right off the wall and has been fine since... Grr kids lol... and Brooklyn takes swim so serious they are trying to switch her to a more advanced class (She feels pretty proud about that!)

And I got my nephew for 5 days and that was amazing.
It breaks my heart when he talks about my brother though, but he seems to really be doing ok with it. He didnt want to leave which makes me happier still. It was alot of funny having the 5 of them together. And promptly after words Danger decided he would start having seizures again... a moms life is never in break mode for long :(

Happy Valentines Day

Im not going to sugar coat it when it came to my husband talking me into more kids we were in negotiation for awhile. One of his requirements that he helped them restore a car for their first car, one of mine, they all got to make homemade valentine day cards and none of them had to match.... and I wish this was a joke but we have a long list of what we get to do with so many kids :)
So this year we were totally inspired by Pinterest and the blogs I stalk but for somereaon the printable I found my computer was like 'umm no you cant use something someone else made make it yourself' and wouldn't let me use the cutest printouts I have ever seen!
So these are the ones we made and if your computer isn't being controlling please feel free to right click save and print these (better late then never right?)

Justin really enjoyed purging his dinosaur stash, and encase you dont get it, it say you make my heart soar but with saur from dinosaur :) (My husband stared at it for along time before he asked what it meant.. in fairness there wasnt a dinosaur on it yet!)

Colton is totally into bugs so when we saw one like this online he was hooked. I love the idea of them getting a toy, a small dinky one but its still better then another lolly pop!

Miss complicated NEEDED candy on hers. I had saved a post a couple of year ago about a firefly made out of Easter eggs and batter operated tea lights we made a set and put the timer ones in them and play fire fly hunt during the summer because once it gets dark they all turn on at the same time... so cute... anyways Brooklyn made these cute bugs but loaded them with candy!

For our teachers I picked up a TON of 2 pack gloves because they are are clearance for $1 at target!! And justin wrote out a note that said your a perfect pear, and when I told him that was the wrong kind of "pair" he cracked up and asked if we could put both pairs in because it drives his teachers crazy that the 2nt graders have such a hard time with two to too. He is so silly but we totally went and bought a million pears!

Pac man

Ok so I have been sitting around all day trying hard to KILL time... why you ask? Umm cause tonight Breaking Dawn comes out on DVD and me and my group of nerds will be there to catch the first preview... which I know will only make November seem that much further away.

But back to my post. Today while killing time I made this cute little pack of magnets for one of the kids I baby sits dad for his Valentines Day birthday.

I took an old picture box I had sitting around and put black peal and stick paper on it (Kinda looks like an old video game cartridge wink wink) Then I cut out a cute little pac man and ghost and made a little sign.

But then you open the box...

Cute arnt they? They are magnets for the fridge. Two things this guy really likes, Pac Man and fridgerators... although the second like might fall in the categories of requirements but im sure he wouldnt be happy without one! Anyways, I will go continue to go sit by the clock willing it to tick faster, in the mean time you can leave me a comment about how you too are going to be sitting at target till midnight for a movie you have already seen :)

I like to brag about myself on these awesome blogs.

A privet look into our life

I wish this was a crafting post. I wish it was filled with party plans and detailed. I wish it had pictures of a 9 year old girl giggling with her friends and her brothers and sister. I wish I was given the chance to share her with you. I was 18 when I peed on that stick my third week into my first semester at collage. I was 18 when I got to tell me boyfriends ready or not we were going to be parents. It was scary and thrilling and we were surprisingly ok with it. Our parents not so much but by 4 months they were showering us with baby trinkets and happy grandma pictures. I didnt smoke, I didnt drink, I didnt do drugs. I was healthy I was a runner. I was a great student. So when the blood work came back that something wasnt adding up the doctor didnt even bat an eye telling us. She said it was more common then not and there was nothing .... not a thing to worry about. In fact it was reading more like there was a twin she didnt see. They were in no hurry for us to go in for the ultra sound. So we waited till after the holiday to go in. We waited untill January 18th to go in. My step mom drove me up to Emanuele, mike was going to come up after he got off work. We chatted and drank coffee. They called us back into a really really small room and I hopped up onto the table. The nurse chatted at me about school and how I was liking it and we chatted for about 10 minutes. Then she stopped talking. Not a word. I was begging her to tell me whet was wrong. All she could say was we would have to wait for the doctor to get in. I laided back on that table eyes shut praying harder then I knew was possible for 55 minutes while she took pictures and measurements. 55 Minutes untill the doctor walked in and they stepped aside whispering. The tears poured down my face. I knew it was bad. Really bad. The doctor sat down and looked at everyrhing.
She turned on the part where you can hear the heart beat. I heard the heart beat. I still hear the heart beat. She asked me to look at the screen and that is where she showed me the hole in our babies heart and how it was pumping the wrong way. I couldnt breath. She suggested we do an amnio to know for sure what we were dealing with. It was the longest needle I had ever seen. And it hurt. They walked me to an office and then mike got there. Exspecting good news... because every single person said we had nothing to worry about. He knew as soon as he saw me. They said a lot of things while we were there. My brain didnt hear most of it. My baby had a hole in her heart that would require open heart surgery minutes after she was born, that is assuming she even made it that far. The ultra sound pictures showed a tiny hand and two feet. One Two Three Four Five Six. I have counted those toes a million time since that day. The 6 toes meants our baby had Trisomy 13. A death sentence for any child diagnosed with it because they dont live long. But there was more. The spinal cord wasnt forming right either and there was an issue with the placenta. The concern went from the baby to me when they realized if I went into labor at home I would be in big trouble. They asked if we had questions. I dont remember saying anything. I was so numb. I was so lost and I was praying so hard. It was like the weight of the world was sitting on my chest. We couldnt do anything untill we got the test back. We went home. We cried... a lot. We stopped talking to each other or anyone. I couldnt talk or breath or.... When they called us back we went in to decide what we were going to do. They gave me the options and the probabilities. The chance that this baby wouldnt make it to term were almost guaranteed. The immediate heart surgery would be fallowed by years of repeat surgies if we got past the first one... again not promising the baby would be strong enough for the first one. Spinal surgery would be next if the baby made it. Children with Trisomy 13 dont live very long, and that is with no other complication. The doctor had never seen this bad of a situation, in 25 years in the department. The likly hood she would live more then a few minutes if that was about all the hope they gave us. I was 19. I was forced to make a dission I would have to live with the rest of my life. I was scared and mad and so so so sad. I do not regret the choice I made. I spent 28 hours on a potocin induced pregnancy. I pushed for 10 minutes. I watched them carry that tiny baby from my room. I did the only motherly option I had, I took any pain my child would have had away by scraficing my own heart. We didnt know at the time that it was a baby girl we didnt want to know. but as I lay there for the first time in a room not full of people I asked the nurse if it was a boy or girl. Lucy Faith was silently born February 4th at 6 month 22days. All I have to remember her is box in our bedroom closet with a picture of her tiny feet in and a dress she was dressed in and a certificate with her tiny foot prints. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. and a giant missing piece from my heart.

Re-Doin it Wednesday - Saving the pink dress

Poor Brooklyn is itching for summer... and dad doesn't like all the tank top shirts that keep popping up so she got this cute pink number taken and tossed in the trash for having a sassy mouth for not changing when told to.
She was so heart broken she even wrote him and im sorry card... but it wasnt enough to change dads mind (dont feel to sorry for her she called him a few choice names instead of just putting a shirt on underneath it) So I snuck it out of the trash today and she gets to wake up to this... a new skirt (to wear with a long sleeved shirt) and a head band!

(not bad for a dress that lasted a whole summer, fall and almost winter.. and only cost me $3 at target!)